


After

by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)



Category: Buzzfeed Ladylike (Web Series), Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: :), Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, i'll add the other characters when they have a bigger role dw, idk how else to tag this uhhhhh, like. a lot of angst, one character gets their face eaten by bugs, this is not for the faint of heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 09:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14133378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBuckyBarnes/pseuds/Cat
Summary: Shane is special. He isn't particularly smart or fast or capable. He's special by value of being special, a delicate tightrope of a paradox he has to walk. He is special because his purpose is to fight the corrupt government - he's the Good Guy.The only problem is, when you're the good guy, you have certain rules you must abide by. Bad men - cruel men - don't.





	After

[ _so dance the world whole_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _and spin the moon round_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _open like seeds beneath the ground_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _we all flow together_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _and we all flow apart_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _as the moonlight descends_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

[ _into our hearts_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcq7Dvst-u0)

 

 _After_ is such a strange word, Shane thinks. At least, it’s strange after he’s said it in his head so many times. The Post Desert stretched before him, miles and miles and miles of desert before he would ever reach Los Angeles.

 

Shane was at peace, even though he shouldn’t have been. Really, he considered it a waste to be afraid when fear only made his hands shake and his body stumble. Shane moved about, collecting scrap in his sort-of homemade sand sled. It glided over the dunes, propelled by a sail, or a motor on a windless day.

 

Shane had found the shell of a car on a cracked and abandoned highway, and he helped himself to the metal. Nuclear fallout had its advantages in that there was nobody around to stop him.

 

Because that’s what had happened, so long ago. Some very powerful men had made some very stupid decisions, leading to the near-annihilation of the human race. A group of survivors, no more than a hundred people, had regrouped in the Nevada desert, in an ancient city once called Los Vegas. They tried to rebuild everything exactly as it had been - and perhaps, in another time, it would have gone smoothly.

 

But it didn’t. After they died, Los Vegas was without a real government and without just rule. Shane thought it sad, really, that they’d worked their whole lives for something, and now it was horrible. There weren’t many people who lived inside the gates that surrounded Vegas, the ones keeping the rich in and the poor out. There were suburbs, yes. The ones in the gates - in the Circle - were sprawling, closer to the outside than the skyscrapers in the middle. The ones outside looked ready to fall apart.

 

They were where Shane spent the first thirteen years of his life. The outside the circle, in a two-story house with blue walls and a black roof. He wasn’t ever rich, but it was bearable.

 

Things were looking up - Shane’s mom had finally gotten ahold of a job again, Shane’s brother had started Kindergarten and his sister was on her way to doing the same - and then, everything fell apart. Shane had awoken one night to flames and smoke and an unbearable, relentless heat.

 

The fire had started in his parents’ room. A broken electrical panel. Shane had escaped with his brother and sister. Nobody seemed to care as the flames never strayed from Shane’s house - the rubble that was Shane’s house. Sometimes he passed it on the way to collections.

 

Nobody seemed to care when there were three children on the street, nobody seemed to care. That’s when Shane learned the only rule of the world he lived in. Nothing stopped for him, not the sun, not the world, not the government. Nothing.

 

He’d been able to scrape by as a blacksmith’s apprentice for a while - well, blacksmith in theory. Really, he was more of a roboticist and engineer - a jack of all trades. Shane had had an appetite for learning, and he’d thanked Mr. Lim every evening as he went home with a quarter or two in the way of tips.

 

After a few years, he’d stopped making music boxes and robotic pets for inner circle kids and switched to collecting scrap. It was paid for by the joke of a government, and it paid better than what the blacksmith could spare. Shane never took pride in his job - he knew he was supposed to view himself as some sort of hero, saving parts from the old world so the new could reuse them. But he just felt so infinitesimal in the desert, like he was a grain of sand in… well, a desert.

 

Maybe there was something poetic about the desert, though. The way everything flowed even though there was no water, the way everything around him spoke of beautiful things that were long gone. Sometimes he was lucky enough to get the treat of rainfall, to see the cacti bloom and soft grass spring up from the sand. Shane wasn’t anything special; yet, somehow, when he stood after a thunderstorm had rolled over the desert, making everything new again, he was.

 

And so, he was at peace as he broke down the car - first the doors, then the outside sheet metal, he’d have to come back for the rest of it. He marked on his map where the car was, lugging the rest of the metal onto the back of his sled. He turned on the motor and started to push the sandboard forward on the oars.

 

The landscape was silent. Perhaps Shane was too tired to whoop and holler - he had to get up at four, he’d have to get up at four the next day, too. He’d send Luke and Delilah to school early, telling them to stop and smell any flowers they passed. He hoped they knew the value of slowing down when you could.  


Delilah was Shane’s sister. She was bright, so bright Shane felt she could power the entire planet if they just figured out a way to hook her mind up to it. She asked endless questions without fail and Shane had told her not to let the school system beat that out of her. She wasn’t very loud to begin with, kind of meek, and so Shane was afraid that she would lose her spark altogether. Shane knew she was self-conscious about her roots, especially when she went to a school in the Circle. Shane had told her to be proud of the few things Shane knew she could be - to be proud that her family loved her, of her intelligence, of everything about her.

 

Luke, on the other hand, had no trouble being proud outright. Shane chuckled, lost in thought as he considered his brother. The sand slipped under him, sun hot on his exposed shoulders. He’d covered his head, but his scarf had slipped off his shoulders in the wind. He found a hidden manic energy in his body, howling into the wind like a wild thing. Shane knew he shouldn’t be happy like this, and yet, he couldn’t deny himself the joy of the wind in his face and shouting at the top of his lungs into the nothing around him.

 

Luke sprung from his lips, his essence working its way through Shane’s actions, grin wide on his face. Luke was tall like him, a string bean of a seven-year-old. His hair was long and dark, though, like their mom’s. Shane loved his siblings with his whole heart, and he hoped he would even in a universe where they weren’t everything he worked for.

 

He was still in the same odd high spirits when he pulled into the docks. They were old and splintered and Shane had made the mistake of stepping in the wrong spot several times, ending in gashes on his leg that hurt like a bitch.

 

Shane danced around, dragging the scrap metal into town. By the time he’d reached the Collection office, his fingers were sore and he could barely feel his calves. He was breathing heavy as he dropped them in front of Sara’s desk.

 

“Same old, same old?” He asked through ragged breaths, leaning on the desk and winking, well aware that he looked like shit. Sara played along, half-heartedly flirting with him and twirling her hair around her index finger.

 

“Hey, handsome. Just get back from work?”

 

“You know it,” Shane grinned, “Wanna… wanna get out of here and get some coffee?”

 

“I would if I could afford it,” Sara snorted, “How about we compromise and just get this transaction over with?”

 

Sara was the closest thing Shane had to a friend - at least, after he stopped his apprenticeship under Steven’s dad. She was closest person to the Circle Shane knew. Her hair was wild and her eyes were sharp and she was probably one of the smartest people to ever exist. _She_ was special. Shane could feel it when she spoke because he felt so much lighter than anything ever. He didn’t think it was romantic, though - and even if it was, he wouldn’t pursue her. He was too busy.

 

Shane weighed the scrap he’d collected, leather gloves protecting his hands from any leftover radiation and from the sharp edges of the sheet metal. He received five whole dollars, enough to feed himself and his siblings for the rest of the week if he was smart. He could probably even afford to take a day off and clean the house.

 

“Hey, dude,” Sara whispered, dropping an extra two quarters into Shane’s hand, “Get the kiddos something nice, okay?”

 

Shane nodded, smiling to Sara as he walked out of the Collection office.

 

He walked home with a spring in his step, splurging on a piece of toffee and chocolate from the market. At his house, he was greeted by Delilah and Luke, as usual, bickering like mad.

 

“It’s my turn to use the blocks!” Delilah screeched, trying to tug them out of Luke’s hand.

 

Luke pushed her back. “Is not!”

 

“Guys! Guys, guys, guys,” Shane broke them apart. “What’s going on?”

 

“She’s trying to take my blocks!” Luke cried, arms crossed.

 

Delilah pouted. “It’s my _turn_!”

 

“Can’t you just work together, or something?” Shane asked wearily, “It’s gotta be exhausting to fight like that. You don’t have to be best friends, but you’re stuck together for the foreseeable future, so you might as well get along. Got it?”

 

Luke and Delilah reluctantly broke apart, both of them turning their noses up. Shane groaned into his hands.

 

“Y’all hungry?” He changed the subject. Both of them nodded, and Shane broke the toffee bar in half, handing it to them. “And don’t even try to tell me one of you has the bigger piece, got it?”

 

He stood up, ruffling Luke’s hair, and he walked into the kitchen. He pulled off his goggles, scarf, and gloves, and traded them for an apron and a pan. He got to work melting some butter to make grilled cheese. Eventually, Luke and Delilah settled at the table, waiting for Shane to finish.

 

“Bubby?” Delilah asked softly as Shane put the grilled cheeses onto plates and handed them out.

 

“Yeah, Dee?” Shane asked, sitting down with his own grilled cheese.

 

Delilah seemed like she was considering her next words carefully, chewing on her tongue. “Are we poor?”

 

“We are,” Shane nodded. They were. Delilah went to a school inside the Circle - Shane had worked hard to get her there, and now she was working just as hard. He was so proud of her, but he knew she had her moments of insecurity surrounded by the people who lived like kings.

 

Delilah spoke again. “Are we animals?”

 

“Of course not, sweetheart,” Shane’s brow furrowed, “Why?”

 

“Isaiah said we were,” She muttered, “Said his daddy locks up a lot of the people who live on the Outside, like us.”

 

“Dee,” Shane said, “It’s not a bad thing that we’re poor. It just _is_. Like your brown eyes or Luke’s green eyes. And it’s not necessarily a good thing that rich people are rich. Ask your friend why his daddy needed to lock those people up, and when he answers, ask why they needed to do what they did. Most of the time, it’s because they didn’t have a choice.”

 

Delilah looked to Shane with reverence. Shane grinned, biting into his grilled cheese.

 

“Are you gonna marry Sara?” Delilah asked out of the dead silence. Shane choked a bit on his grilled cheese.

 

After he’d made sure he wasn’t dying, he laughed and said, “No! Why?”

 

“You love her, though, right?” Delilah raised an eyebrow, like she’d won an argument.

 

Shane nodded. “I do love her. Just not in the right way. When you marry someone, you have to need them like you need water, or a roof over your head. And… it’s not that I don’t need Sara in my life, but I don’t need her _that much_.”

 

Delilah nodded, finishing her dinner and pulling her homework out of her backpack. Shane did his best to help her, but some of the questions were oddly worded or, quite frankly, alien to Shane.

 

Delilah finished her homework eventually, though, and the three of them got ready for bed. It was already late.

 

Three pairs of dead eyes stared into the dusty mirror as they brushed their teeth. Shane helped Delilah into her nightgown - Luke was adamant that he could do it on his own, so Shane didn’t bother him. They piled into their beds, Delilah pressing her face into her stuffed bear. Shane kissed their foreheads.

 

“I love you two, alright?” Shane said.

 

“That’s stinky,” Luke wrinkled his nose, and Shane laughed as he turned out the light.

 

Delilah’s voice sounded tired. “We love you too, Shane.”

 

Shane was out like a light when he hit the pillow.

 

A knock at the door woke Shane up. He turned on the light and glanced at the clock. _Three forty-eight AM_.

 

Another knock.

 

Shane walked through the hallways, rubbing his eyes. The person at the door knocked a third time, sounding aggressive.

 

“Hello?” Shane asked, opening the door. An armed man with the letters _LVCP_ on his vest stood in front of Shane, a mask covering his face.

 

“Shane Alexander Madej, current guardian of Lucas Oliver Madej,” He spoke, “Your brother has shown examplary skill and promise, and we would like to take him in for training to be a member of LVCP, or the Los Vegas Citizen Protection Corps.”

 

“He’s… _nine_ ,” Shane raised an eyebrow at the man.

 

“You will relinquish control of your brother, and you will do so without resistance.” The man drew a weapon. It looked like a pistol, or a taser, or something. Shane wasn’t quite sure, but whatever it was, it made his blood rush to his head and his breath stutter. “You have so much to protect, Madej. It’d be a shame for you to lose both of your siblings tonight.”

 

“Al - alright,” Shane said, the reality of the situation dawning on him, “I’ll go get him.”

 

“You have five minutes.”

 

Shane rushed back to the bedroom, pushing Delilah into the closet. “Don’t make a sound,” He hissed. Shane knew he was crying, but he hoped Delilah understood the urgency of the situation.

 

Shane dressed Luke in jeans and a t-shirt. “Be good. Hold onto something this if you can -” He handed Luke a worry stone, “It’ll keep you calm.”

 

Luke nodded, worry etched on his face. Shane brought him in for a tight hug, pressing a kiss to his face. “Be good for me, Luke.”

 

“Sure thing, Bubba,” Luke said hesitantly. Shane led him down the hall and almost let him go when he snapped.

 

“How could you take him away from me?” He screeched, blindly striking the officer. The officer struck back, grabbing a baton and hitting Shane on the cheek in one fluid motion. There was no hesitation. Shane went down to the floor, gripping the place where his skin had split.

 

The officer put his boot on Shane’s face, and Shane wanted to scream. “This is a _warning_ , Madej. Don’t tell anybody about this. Your brother disappeared mysteriously and due to your own lack of supervision.”

 

Shane watched Luke be dragged away, the same baton striking him on the back of the head when he made a sound of dissent.

 

Shane was on the floor for a while, cheek throbbing. He vaguely recognized that he was sobbing, and when he sat up, he remembered that he still had Delilah.

 

He scrambled into the bedroom, as though there was a chance she could be gone, too. When she wasn’t, he pulled her into a hug and sobbed silently into her hair.

 

She was all too calm. “Shane, where’s Luke?”

 

“They took him away,” Shane said, hiccupping, “I don’t know when he’ll be back. You can’t tell anybody, though. This is our secret, okay?”

 

He leaned back and gripped her arms. She looked uncharacteristically angry. “Where did they take him? Why did they take him?”

 

“I don’t know the answer to either of those questions,” Shane murmured.

 

She didn’t break down that night, but Shane still slept in the same bed as her, if only to reassure himself that she was okay.

 

The next morning, Shane let Delilah take the day off school. He knew it might be a bad thing, but he was terrified to lose her.

 

“Would you like to spend the day with Sara while I go out to collect today?” Shane asked, and even though he trusted Sara, he’d only known her for about a year - just as long as he’d been collecting, and his heart skipped a beat thinking about it.

 

Delilah frowned. “But that sounds _boring_. I wanna go collect with you!”

 

“Lilah, you know I’d let you, but that’s just too dangerous for someone who’s six,” Shane frowned, “Maybe in a few years, but not now.”

 

Delilah pouted, as though she’d forgotten all about the previous night, and Shane got them two apples for breakfast. Somewhere in his mind, he thought he could handle this. That everything would be okay, as long as he still had someone. He just wanted to stay home, but he was saving up for a better house. Or, to at least fix up their own.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Shane said softly, picking Delilah up and letting her perch on his hip as he set out towards the Collection office.

 

He greeted Sara, who looked tired and a bit hungover. “Hey, dude, what’s got you so down?”

 

“Luke went missing,” He said softly, “Can you look after Dee for the day?”

 

“Sure thing, bud!” She grinned. “We have a playroom for the kids of workers. It’s not much but hopefully we can entertain her for the day.”

 

“Cool. Thank you so much,” Shane sighed, looking just as relieved as he felt. “Delilah, you remember our secret, right?”

 

Delilah nodded. Shane crouched down. “And I can trust you to keep it, right?”

 

Delilah nodded again, Shane kissing her forehead and wishing her a good day. “I’ll be back to pick you up soon.”

 

And Shane walked the short distance to the docks, getting onto his sandboard and setting off. It was a windy enough day that Shane didn’t really need to start up the motor, which was nice because he was almost out of fuel and only had enough for a one-way trip.

 

He found the skeleton of the car again, and started scrapping it. Then, he heard a noise.

 

“Shane!”

 

He whirled around to see Delilah, grinning, on the covered part of his sandboard used to hold the scrap he collected.

 

“Delilah Marie!” Shane hissed, and Delilah’s smile fell off her face. Shane marched up to her. “I should take you right home! You are in so much danger!”

 

“I’m sorry, Shane,” She said meekly, and Shane stepped back from his anger. He’d raised his voice at her, and now she was scared of _him_.

 

“I’m sorry too, Dee,” Shane said, rubbing his face with his sandy gloves. “I shouldn’t have yelled. But you scared me. Please just sit there while I get some scrap so we can buy ourselves dinner. Call if there’s trouble.”

 

Shane began to pull apart the roof of the car, and then he dismantled the dashboard and engine, piling everything in beside Delilah. He wondered vaguely how she’d managed to sneak out onto his sandboard. Then, as he turned back for a tire, she screamed.

 

He turned to see a cloud of insects around her, rushing up to shoo them away. But it was too late, her face was covered in her own blood and she was crying out blindly for Shane.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Shane shushed, turning on the motor and setting the sail of the sandboard up so he wouldn’t have to steer. He sat beside Delilah and held her as the sandboard flew through the air, too slow and too fast at the same time. Shane removed his gloves, trembling hands brushing over Delilah’s marred face and shoulders. She screamed until they pulled into the docks, when she was dead silent. There was so much blood.

 

Forgetting the threat of burglary, Shane rushed to the Collections office. “Help! Someone call a doctor!”

 

His breath was ragged and he held Delilah bridal-style, her already lanky legs dangling over Shane’s forearms.

 

Sara tugged on her hair. “Shane, Shane I’m so… so, so, sorry -”

 

“I don’t care how sorry you are!” Shane snapped, “Call a _fucking_ doctor!”

 

And Sara did, even as Shane got the sinking suspicion it was too late. Delilah had stopped being responsive a while ago, breaths getting shallower and shallower until they stopped altogether.

  
Shane set her down, compressing her chest repeatedly in some sort of messed up version of CPR. He hoped he was doing something right.

 

The doctor got there and told them what they already knew. “She’s unresponsive. Time of death, nine thirty-five AM, Tuesday, October thirtieth, twenty-five twenty-two.”

 

Shane collapsed. He was completely, absolutely, wholly numb as Sara let him rest his head on her. It was almost like he was praying - he didn’t believe in God, but he think if he did, this would be as good a time as any to pray.

 

“Sara?” He asked numbly. He knew she was religious.

 

“Yes, Shane?”

 

“How do you get over something like this?”

 

Sara’s hands found their way to Shane’s hair, delicate and sure of their actions. “I don’t think you do. I think it changes you, and you just have to learn to live with it.”

 

Shane didn’t cry. His cheek still hurt as Sara’s jeans dug into the place where blood had crusted over on his face. He knew she didn’t believe that Luke had just gone missing. So he just sat there and stared at the thing that used to be his sister, wondering where his youth had gone.

 

Sara let him stay at her house that night. He didn’t cry then, either, just stared at the wall and let Sara do whatever she wanted.

 

Sara fed him and even went to get his pajamas for him. She kissed his forehead and hugged him and let him sleep in the guest bedroom, and she even apologized for how tiny it was.

 

“That’s okay,” Shane said, surprising himself at how tiny his voice was. Sara hugged him again and he found himself hugging back. She shushed the little noises Shane made in the back of his throat, and Shane buried his face in her hair.

 

 _Maybe in another universe_ , He thought, _Maybe in another universe, we could be happy together._

 

He let himself get lost in this other universe, where he’d have Sara and cute dogs and maybe a few years, or ten, down the road, he’d be dating her and thinking about getting a ring.

 

But this wasn’t that universe. This was a universe where everything was cold and nature fought back and nothing stopped for Shane.

 

Sara’s parents asked why Shane was there, and Sara took them out of the room to explain. Shane hear their murmurs as though they were right next to him.

 

Sara’s mom made Shane some tea. It was a nice gesture.

 

Shane went to bed at seven, but he didn’t really sleep. He just stared at the ceiling and pretended he could see the stars.

 

The next day, Shane tried to go through with his regular routine. He woke up in the wrong house, though. He said good morning to the wrong people, saw the wrong children to school, stepped out to find his previous day’s collection sitting in his sandboard.

 

Maybe some things did stop for Shane. He picked up his last collections and took them to the office, trading them for a few dollars.

 

Sara looked like she had another apology on her lips, but Shane was speaking before she could get a word out.

 

“I’m not doing this any more,” Shane decided out loud, talking to Sara, but not really, “I won’t be coming back here. You can keep in touch. Or not. I’ll be at Mr. Lim’s.”

 

He pretended not to see the hurt on Sara’s face. Shane supposed he must’ve seemed distant. Shane felt distant to everyone, even himself. What was his alternative?

 

“Okay,” Sara said, the calm and quiet of her voice striking some sort of chord in Shane’s mind. He saw the day before again, all the turmoil of his thoughts leaving him breathless and vacant.

 

Shane still felt breathless and vacant. He made his way down the street, passing his old house. It was still in ruins, but it was the only thing Shane had in the way of inheritance. He looked upon it like it was the source of all his troubles.

 

He made his way to Mr. Lim’s blacksmith shop.

 

Like he’d said before - it wasn’t really blacksmithing as most people knew it. Mr. Lim made almost everything under the sun - from spoons to clocks to music boxes. Shane enjoyed making music boxes; he’d even made one for Delilah and Luke. It was to the Full Moon song, something Shane’s parents had sung to him, something Shane sang to them. But more than anything, the song made him feel peaceful. It reminded him of his insignificance, in that no matter how shitty things got, everyone would meet the same end.

 

Shane found Steven in the break room while he was looking for Mr. Lim, looking haggard and anxious like he always did.

 

“Long time no see,” Shane said dryly. Steven didn’t know what was going on, but his eyes widened and a smile a thousand feet wide broke out on his face anyway. He dropped his papers and wrapped Shane in a tight hug.

 

“Hey, pal!” He cheered, “Steven and Shane, best buds for _life_!”

 

Shane had missed him.

 

He wrapped Steven up in a hug, feeling the loose fabric of scrubs on his skin. “What’ve you been up to?”

 

“Biomed school kicked my ass, but I’m out and in the world of engineering!” Steven grinned, “I’m working on a bunch of top-secret projects right now - they’re so secret, I don’t even know the half of them!”

 

Shane had missed how Steven always talked like he was ending all his sentences with exclamation points. His jet black hair stuck up and he truly did look like a mad scientist. “You must be working really hard, then.”

 

“I sure am,” Suddenly, Steven looked so, so tired. Shane was surprised to see the facade lift, exhaustion spreading from his eyes to his posture to his voice. Shane mirrored him, letting the deaths of his siblings catch up to him.

 

“You look tired,” Steven said, embracing Shane again. Shane buried his face in the crook of Steven’s neck, letting himself be comforted for a moment. “Luke and Dee are gone.”

 

“What do you mean… _gone_?”

 

“Dee’s dead,” Shane choked on his own words, “Luke’s missing.”

 

That’s when Shane started to cry again, sobs wracking his body and face breaking. He didn’t care that it was semi-public, he didn’t care that he hadn’t seen Steven in a year, he just didn’t care any more.

 

Because, now, nothing really mattered.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Steven hummed, swaying a bit as he held Shane. It was nice to be held.

 

Dimly, Shane heard footsteps. “Shane?”

 

“Sorry,” Shane sniffled, wiping his eyes, “Mr. Lim, I’ve had a rough week.”

 

“Understandable,” Mr. Lim smiled, “I take it you want to pick up where we left off?”

 

“If that’s something you can do,” Shane said, and this felt more like coming home than he thought.

 

“It is.”

 

“Thank you so much.”

 

“And don’t call me Mr. Lim,” He moved to open up the store, “Call me James.”

 

Shane nodded, wiping at his eyes one last time. Mr. Lim put him to work as soon as he could, leaving Shane to the forge to start the delicate work of making prongs in the key of F minor.

 

“We’re doing the melody for a sonata,” Mr. Lim smiled, “From one of the musical geniuses of the old world. Beethoven.”

 

The differences between the forks were miniscule, and Shane felt the old sensation of mounting frustration hit his body as he tried to figure out B natural.

 

“It’s like riding a bike,” Mr. Lim spoke up from the corner, “Sometimes, you forget for a while.”

 

Shane liked that. He calmed down, and gently soldered it until the tuner registered a perfect B.

 

He wound up the music box. It rang out, note after note, a cadence in F minor that made Shane remember why he made music boxes for two years. He’d missed it. The melody seemed to cut off as Shane lifted the mechanism off of the table, affixing it to a neatly carved box. _AB_ it said, carved in gentle cursive. The box was oak. It had been outsourced to one of the other tiny colonies dotting the US. Shane put the finishing varnish on the outer edges, taking a tiny knife and carving his initials into one of the legs. It looked like art, and it was. It was frivolous art and Shane loved to make it.

 

Shane felt like he put a part of his grief into the box.

 

He didn’t leave the shop until midnight, and by then, he couldn’t be sad any more. He was so tired, so tired, so… _angry_.

 

Shane was absolutely _furious_ because none of _that_ would have ever happened if they hadn’t taken Luke. He kicked the wall at about twelve thirty-seven, pain radiating through his toes.

 

“Y’know,” Mr. Lim said wisely, sitting down in his chair. Mr. Lim was really getting on in his years, but he never seemed like it, until he spoke up about something that only a wise old man would say, “You won’t ever get back at them by kicking a wall.”

 

“Really?” Shane said sarcastically, leaning on the wall with one hand and gripping his foot with the other. “There’s nothing I can do, anyway.”

 

Mr. Lim looked to Shane expectantly.

 

“I can’t do anything!” Shane cried, face contorting, “I can’t do anything except wish that Luke hadn’t won the horrible, shitty lottery because then Delilah would be in school and we would be happy! But that didn’t happen!”

 

Mr. Lim paused, and spoke gently. “You _can_ do something, Shane. I think you forget that you are a special kind of person. You can truly, really do anything you set your mind to.”

 

“I can’t bring her back, though,” Shane’s lip was quivering, “I can’t do the one thing that matters. That mattered.”

 

“That’s not the only thing that matters,” Mr. Lim said, “Maybe to you, it’s the only thing that matters. But other people still have Delilahs and Lukes. _They_ can be saved.”

 

“But -”

 

“ _But_ nothing. You want to save them? After all, you do not really know that Luke is dead.”

 

Shane _didn’t_ know that Luke was dead - and the thought struck him like a meteor. He didn’t know Luke was dead.

 

The thought followed him home and slept with him in his too-empty bed in his too-empty room in the too-empty universe.

 

The next morning, Shane woke up from a turbulent sleep with his mind made up.

 

He would get Luke back, even if it killed him.

**Author's Note:**

> howdy y'all!! it's me again, and i know i should be writing the sequel to tghosm, bUT me and my friend isaac have been talking about this for months and i really needed to write something for it. you can find me at razcrboy.tumblr.com, and my inbox is always open :D


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